Shame and a dash of pride (original thought- definition of your "deepest darkest secret")

5/9/24

(Deepest Darkest Secret Definition:) Something you don't share with someone (anyone) because you believe it will make them think of you differently, specifically different in a way you don't want them thinking about you.

(If not shameful or prideful, I would share or forget [or it would become a memory with the ability to be triggered into remembrance])

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I think that's why I'm a very open and vulnerable person. I think to be known is to be loved. What if people knew everything, not just what I wanted them to know, and that made them not love me?

I'd rather be fully loved (therefore fully known) instead of being partially known and partially unknown, unaware if they would love you the same, see you in a way you want to be viewed, loved in a way you didn't want to be loved, or loved less.

I think what's deeper than the "deepest darkest secret" is asking what we don't want to be viewed as when the secret or event or thought is known.

Crazy.

Stupid.

Mean.

Shallow.

Insecure.

Unauthentic.

Is it because I view these qualities as qualifying people to be loved less (or in a different way)?

Not for other people, but for myself.

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That's an argument a lot of fat-phobic people like to use when they're trying to defend their fat-phobia. "I don't judge others for being fat, I just don't want to be fat" (indicating that they view being fat as less-than or undesirable)

But [are?] these are normal and ok things to have that argument for

Is any amount of shame helpful? If so, where's the line?