The loss of a friendship

What about a friend who is a brother?

More of what I had always hoped a relationship with a brother could be?

And who was when my own was not a brother to me?

What are the rules then?

I cannot stop wrestling.

One moment I am regretful of the things I said. The next I am angry with how long I sat and waited. I think to act, simply to ask for help- which I often do with ease-but I lack the courage to do so, for now.

What is this feeling? What am I to do?